So you’re dating a Japanese girl, and she’s charming. She has the cutest laugh ever, and her smile is contagious. You’ve been seeing each other for about three months now, but you want to know if things are getting serious.
Well, before you ask any questions about marriage or moving in together, you should understand some important things first. Let’s explore loyalty, marriage, and the dating culture in Japan.
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Loyalty in Japanese Marriage and Dating Culture
In Japan, loyalty to others comes before personal happiness. This is especially true when it concerns marriage.
For a man and woman to even think about getting married, they must be loyal to each other first. It doesn’t matter if you have been going out with her for years or just months; she must first make sure you are loyal to her before considering marrying you.
Loyalty in Japan
The concept of loyalty plays a huge role in Japanese society. Loyalty is creating a connection with someone that will last for years, even decades. Loyalty is like a bridge that gets you to your destination of marriage. A woman can only walk across the bridge if she knows you are loyal.
The absolute most crucial thing for a man to be able to cross this bridge is true love. If he doesn’t truly love her, they will never make it over the loyalty bridge. This is because once he has crossed the bridge of loyalty, there is no going back. Once they are married, it will last forever.
Marriage in Japan
Once two people cross the bridge of loyalty together, then marriage becomes a possibility. It’s not that she doesn’t want to marry you yet; it’s just that she wants to be sure of your loyalty.
Once she is positive you are loyal, then marriage becomes a possibility, and the bridge of loyalty takes on another purpose: raising children and building a family together.
It’s also important to note that men can get away with having multiple wives with this kind of culture. However, for a woman in Japan, having multiple husbands is a big no-no.
- Knowing why you are getting married is as important as the marriage itself
- Over 40% of people cohabit before getting married
- Around 16% of marriages involve remarriages
- The number of people in intermarriages has steadily risen
Dating Culture in Japan: Things to Know
In other parts of the world, when you go out on a date with someone, the next step is moving in together or getting married. In Japan, it’s not that simple. When two people begin dating, there are no expectations of marriage or even of living together. What’s important here is that there are no expectations or promises of anything at all.
Creating a connection with someone before a marriage takes time. With no pressure to move very fast in the relationship, both people can truly get to know each other without any distractions before promising their lives to one another.
Also, it’s crucial for a woman to feel like the man she is dating will make a good father. The longer they date, the better he can prove himself as a potential husband and father.
This concept of loyalty before marriage goes back to the roots of Japanese culture. In Shintoism, there are five basic relationships that people must maintain.
These relationships are between God, the Emperor, the family, your fellow man, and yourself. For Japanese society to work correctly, all of these relationships must be kept in balance with each other. When one is off balance, trouble begins to brew, which can affect everyone around you. The most important of these relationships is loyalty to your fellow man.
For a woman to feel like you are loyal and deserving of her time and attention, it takes time and patience for her to come around. Once the bridge of loyalty has been crossed, she will give herself fully to you because she knows that your loyalty will be there to stay.
A Japanese woman needs to know that you are a man of your word and integrity. When the time comes, she wants to say yes because she knows you will take care of her and never break her heart.
- The in-love phase lasts around twelve months
- The happiest marriage is between best friends
- The closer the age difference, the less likely you are to divorce
- Tacking chores together makes a relationship happier
Do Japanese men more often have love affairs than Western men?
Yes and No. Japanese men are more often faithful, but it is also more often expected of them. The women demand their loyalty more than Western men in their lives. This can lead to severe pitfalls in relationships for Japanese men living in Japan or outside the country.
This is because Japanese women demand their men be loyal while they are out on dates, and while they are not expecting infidelity at all, it is still a possibility. In Japan, the men’s role in society is loyalty and stability, while a woman’s role is to provide love and affection.
Many have argued that this is unfair to women because it does not allow them the same liberties as their male counterparts, who can satisfy themselves sexually without any expectations.
The counter-argument could be made that if a woman were given the same freedoms, she would probably end up like many western women, leading to divorce and adultery becoming more prevalent in Japanese culture.
- Moving in to test the relationship denotes a lack of confidence
- People who depend on their spouses economically are likely to cheat
- Sex quality is always better than sex quantity
- Talking about social media habits makes you happier in a relationship and marriage
For a western man, it can be challenging to understand what love and marriage are like for a Japanese woman.
This is because their culture shapes who they are with respect to how they perceive things such as intimacy and sex. It’s also difficult because many differences in dating, marriages, and friendships come into play when trying to understand Japanese culture.
What might seem strange to westerners is that many Japanese women will start looking for men later in life even though they are still attractive young women. Some attribute this to the success of their career or because they want an education before getting married.
Japanese women carry many of the exact expectations that Western women have regarding love and marriage, but there are also some significant differences.
This means that men from western cultures will need to adjust their thinking to be successful with dating Japanese women. There is no difference in what you must do physically to achieve your goal.
However, you must be aware of how the dates are played out, what she expects from you during your time together, and what happens after things progress to sex
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About the editor: Krystyna has published over 500 articles related to international dating in English and German. In her regularly updated blog posts, Krystyna shows a good eye for online dating topics, romance scams and cross-cultural relationships.
As the leading International Dating Expert and Dating Coach Krystyna is involved in a wide variety of different areas, such as personal dating coaching, online dating and matchmaking.
Need dating coaching? Check here: www.krioda.com