Dating a Japanese girl can bring you intense happiness, and it will be no surprise that you’ll soon start thinking about tying the knot, saying I do, and making a life together.
But what are some of the issues you may experience when you decide to marry a Japanese woman?
Are there serious issues to be aware of before you marry your Japanese siren? I dove deep, consulted some Japanese-foreign couples I know, and here are a few truths to be aware of as well as ways to head off some simple disasters.
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What Is It Like to Have a Japanese Wife?
Japanese women are beautiful, highly capable, hardworking, uniquely seductive, and dutiful. Many Japanese women still want to see the man as the head of the family, so if you step up into this role, you can already satisfy the biggest of her demands.
Your Japanese wife will be loyal, but there will be a few strange peculiarities you may not be quite aware of before you put a ring on her finger. She’ll be fiercely loyal to Japan, and while she probably knows you will expect her to relocate to your home country, she will try hard to tempt you to rehome to the Land of the Rising Sun.
Japanese wives are dutiful, great cooks, and excellent mothers. She will make your house a home, but she will also come with her own set of requirements that you’d better meet if you want marital bliss.
Japanese Wife: Main Challenges and Benefits
Any time you marry someone from a different culture, there will be a few culture shocks along the way, and if you’re not open to change and adapting, you will find your match made in heaven quickly turn to a cold hell.
Of course, this is a worst case scenario, and there are many very happy intercultural marriages with Japanese women. It will just take some adjustment and careful negotiation.
Cons of Having a Japanese Wife
Here are a few of the worst challenges of marrying a Japanese bride:
In Japan, saying “I love you” is not a romantic act, and expressing that feeling in public will earn your bride’s scorn. Publicly telling your spouse you love them, and even saying it too much in private, is seen as vulgar and highly inappropriate.
In the West, men are often conditioned to say “I love you” as an expression of endearment and commitment. So not being able to say it can be a shock to you.
In Japan, there is a huge focus on hygiene. Your wife is likely to demand you bathe and shower at least once a day, if not twice. She’s also not likely to put up with a scraggly beard and will quietly tell you to shave.
Likewise, don’t be surprised when you start your home back in the States or your home country that she’ll start demanding you take off your shoes and leave them at the door.
She may place some “house shoes” at the door, and if you dare walk through the house with your town shoes, she’ll get very angry. Japanese anger may be expressed by her swearing at you in Japanese and not translating if you ask what it means.
Japanese women want to be mothers. They want a family, usually with one or two children. While you are trying for children, she’ll be a very happy sexual partner, but once the children are there, you may find the gates to glory closed permanently if you can’t find a way to unlock them.
Once the children are there, they will consume her attention much more than a Western woman would with her children. Japanese women are culturally expected to spend the first five years with their children, teaching them at home about life and manners.
While your children will have beautiful manners and excel at everything they do, your wife will probably do a flip and no longer run the house like she used to. She will probably also quit her job, spending every waking moment with the kids. Of course, this can place a financial strain on your relationship if you become the sole breadwinner.
In Japan, the family plays a huge part in helping out when the children are born. Family helps out by doing all the household chores while the mother is occupied with her children. In some very “tight” families, you may find that your mother-in-law rocks up with a huge suitcase, loaded with Japanese child’s toys and clothes, and she’ll intend to stay until the children are bigger.
Of course, this is again, a worst case scenario if your wife is from a very traditional family.
Pros of Having a Japanese Wife
There are also some benefits to marrying a Japanese woman:
Why Do Japanese Women Make Good Wives?
Japanese women are excellent wives. But you need to ensure you meet their needs, which includes you being the head of the house. She will expect you to lay down the law, but she will love you if you also let her have her way in some things.
You will never go hungry, your home will be meticulously clean, and she will manage to work hard at her career until she’s ready for motherhood. While she will look to you for leadership, she will also be fiercely independent.
Being married to a Japanese wife means you will have a very able partner who will support you, but she will always put your children first.
The Complexities of Marriage with a Wife from Japan
Having a partner or wife comes with a learning curve. You go from being single to being an “us.” The best way to deal with the complexities of an intercultural marriage is through communication.
Here are a few topics you should discuss with your Japanese wife-to-be:
Negotiate with your partner where you will settle. Don’t assume your Japanese partner will want to move to a different country or leave their family behind. Discuss living arrangements and where you and your Japanese wife will most happily stay.
We all have an idea of what we want in a marriage. While expectations can be detrimental to your marriage, it’s entirely normal. Decide what expectations you need to discuss with your partner.
Children are a huge part of married life in Japan. Your Japanese wife will want to have kids, and it means you need to be aware of how you will raise your children and what philosophies you will use when rearing them.
Japanese women are independent, and your Japanese wife will bring her share, working away from home and running the household. Discuss the implications on your marriage when it comes to money. If your wife becomes a full-time mother, how will this influence your joint finances?
Sex is an important part of marriage. In Japanese culture, sex is seen as a means to an end—children. If you want to avoid the stress of a sexless marriage, discuss what your expectations (and her expectations) are about sex in the marriage before you tie the knot.
Don’t lay down the law. But talk about what sex means to you, what it means to her, how she feels about it, and what her thoughts are on it after she’s had children. Open communication is the best way to ensure you’re not left out in the cold.
Japanese ladies are quite social, so discuss what your home policy will be on social outings, visitors, family staying over, and what information you are happy to share out of the marriage.
With any foreign culture, there will be customs that may seem strange. While you’ve probably learned a lot about Japanese dating culture before you get married, you should also have an open policy of discussing cultural differences during your marriage.
Your Japanese wife needs to teach you, and you need to teach her about your culture. Communication is the best way to ensure there’s no confusion.
A Japanese woman is a beautiful treasure, and you can enjoy a truly blissful marriage with her, but you need to first do the groundwork, get a successful communication channel going, and ensure you and she are on the same page about what marriage means to you both.
Enjoy your marriage to your Japanese woman with the same respect and admiration you want from her, and before you know it, you will have created your own blissful union.
And if you are still looking for your Japanese true love, check out these reputable Japanese dating apps.
Hey there! 🙂 Krystyna here. Welcome to Asian Dating Journal!
Writing on International dating, romance scams and relationships so you don’t have to feel alone on your Asian / foreign dating journey.
Krystyna is a dating blogger and coach that focuses on helping Western men to connect with foreign women. In her guides, she speaks from her own experiences and gives field-tested tips & hacks.
Need dating coaching? Check here: www.krioda.com